A constant state of denial...

I'm boarding my plane in 14 minutes, leaving from JFK to Incheon International Airport. Fact number one. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Fact number two.

I spent the last two weeks in a constant state of denial. It wasn't without lack of trying, I assure you, but no matter what I did I couldn't come to the realization that I was moving to South Korea, something I had spent 7 months preparing for. I was lucky enough to be accompanied by one of my closest friends, and up until the point of my departure, my boyfriend, Itai (which for those of you who really know me, you know how weird that is for me to say after a tumultuous divorce from my one and only boyfriend and husband of fifteen years). Not only did Itai come with me on the journey to JFK but he has spent just as much time as me preparing and planning for my adventure over the last several months. My stress level in the last few weeks before my departure was at an all time high, I'm pretty sure I would have spontaneously combusted if it wasn't for him taking up a shit load of the slack. “I appreciate it” doesn't even come close to the sentiment he deserves.

It wasn't until I said goodbye to him, and the romantic aspect of our relationship, that I realized I was completely alone, headed to a place I have never been before, where I don't speak the language and I have very little expectations of what the next year would bring me. I broke down while passing thru security, watching him get further and further away from me and feeling more and more unknown. I wandered into the duty free store, deciding I couldn't afford anything and that it might be best if I leave the area considering I was still a blubbering fool and I think I was beginning to worry the other patrons. From gate 1 to gate 8 I slowly gathered myself together and came to the conclusion that instead of crying about being alone, I should realize that this was the whole point of this trip, to hang myself off of a cliff and see what I could do.

But I digress.

Mexico City has already started to board next to me. Slowly the crowd of cell-phone-chargers around me loses some of it's Latin flavor. Just me and the Koreans now. I glance around just making sure...yep, I'm the only Caucasian in the area...as far as the eye can see. Well I guess this is just a little taste of what the next year will be like for me. I fear I will stick out like a sore thumb. But it seems, at least here in JFK, I am invisible. I kinda like being invisible right now. A feeling I previously hated.

A long line has begun to form on my side of the terminal. I can never understand why people rush to get on a plane that they will have to sit on for fourteen hours. Can't wait for numb behind? Or is the leg cramps that they are craving? Id rather sit right here, next to the charging station, legs stretched out, typing away on my computer, being invisible. I will gladly be at the end of the line leading to the metal box that will cramp me in longer than I can watch the entire Back to the Future trilogy.

There have been a lot of questions thrown my direction in the last 6 hours. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. How will I contact home when I get there? No idea. Supposedly wifi is rampant and I should be receiving a SIM card upon arrival from my recruiter (go KorVia!). But promising an instant update on my arrival status to my family is a dangerous idea. If for some reason I cannot contact them immediately...or for three weeks while I wait for my ARC (Alien Registration Card) to arrive, all hell will break loose. My mother will assume I met a nice Korean man on the plane and ran away to birth his children. My father will think the plane went down and will anxiously watch the news expecting to see a fiery scene of rubble with my sky blue carry-on poking out of the wreckage. Ok maybe that's an exaggeration...but really...why set them up for worry?

I just looked up from the computer and realized I'm one of three still left near the charging station. Two Korean boys around 14-16 lost in their addiction to video games and a business man on, what looks like, a very important phone call. A moment of panic...storage space in the overhead compartments will go quickly. OK packing up...better get in line. See you soon 컴퓨터 (computer).